PROVERBS ON FRIENDSHIP

August 25, 2019
When we began this study on the Proverbs back in June, Josh and I designed it as an 8-week study. We were going to spend 8 weeks in the Proverbs and close Scott’s sabbatical with a different 4-week study. That was the plan. But God shaped the path. We quickly realized that we needed to extend it through the entire summer. We live in a crazy world, and the ancient wisdom in this book is extremely relevant to our lives. We are now on week 10 of what was supposed to be an 8-week series. I bring that up because the topic we are going to study todaywas not in the original plan. As I scoured the book of Proverbs, I though it would be good to cover important matters like familyand moneyand words. But an entire message on friendship? Nah. That’s for kids. (We don’t have time for that).  
Friendship almost always takes a backseat to “more important matters.” Most of us are too busy with our family and careers and hobbies and dogs to invest in meaningful friendships. Somewhere along the way we learned to power through without them. Now, if you’re in middle school, friendship is a life or death situation. But if you’re an adult, friendship feels like a luxury item. Yes it would be nice to have a few good friends, but you probably should think about it too much; be thankful for what you have. 
That is the practical wisdom of a busy & lonely world. But it is not the wisdom of the Bible. As I scoured the Proverbs for wisdom on friendship, I discovered a different narrative. Friendship is not a nice bonus in our life; it is one of the most fundamental aspects of our humanity. You could actually view the entire Bible through the lens of friendship. God created Adam (listen) with a heart that ached. He woke up in a world that was literally perfect, but he couldn’t bear the pain of being alone. He burned for a friend. And no matter how much you deny it, you burn for one too. It’s part of your humanity.
This was one of the most painful messages I have ever prepared. As I wrestled with the Proverb’s teaching on friendship, it forced me to consider the ache that God created in my heart – the ache that I learned to cover up decades ago. Jesus exposed a very old wound this week, and it hurt. But it opened the door for me to know Christ in a deeper way. My goal this morning is to elevate the idea of friendship in your life so that you can know Jesus as a friend. If you know Jesus as your friend, you can enjoy relationships on this broken planet. It is one of God’s greatest blessings to us. Listen to JC Ryle. “This world is full of sorrow because it is full of sin. It is a dark place. It is a lonely place. It is a disappointing place. The brightest sunbeam in it is a friend. Friendship halves our troubles and doubles our joys.” Here’s the outline for the morning. 
1. The ideal friendship
2. The problem with friendship
3. The healing of friendship 
Fair-weather friends are convenient. They’re easy to find and they can take away the sting of loneliness, but they’re not really your friends. Here’s the problem with fair-weather friends. When you lose your money or position, you lose your friends. Think about the prodigal son. When he went to a foreign land with a fist full of money, and made quick friends. But when his cash ran out, so did his friends. Where were they when he was eating the pig filth? They were mooching off someone else. 
Consider the quality of your friendships for a moment. What is fueling your friendships? Is it love or some other reason? If you have a true friend, you have a rare treasure. Guard that friendship with everything you have. 
The uncaring friend just wants to make you happy. They want to lighten the mood. They haven’t dealt with their own pain, so they certainly can’t handle your pain. That is why they crank up the happy music when your heart is heavy. I think of Michael Scott from The Office. He doesn’t care about you; he just wants to lighten the mood. The uncaring friend is a super nice guy but he’s not a true friend. If you want to go deep into your relationships, you need to care enough about the other person to sit with him when he’s sad. You need to care enough to back off a little when she needs space. As Kenny Rogers said, you got to know when to hold em, know when to fold em, and know when to walk away. The true friend cares. He will sacrifice his own mood for the sake of his friend. 
Do you have a friend like this? If you want to develop a friendship like this you need to invest a lot of face-to-face time.I wonder if our world is short on true friends because we try to develop our friendships over technology. You can’t really get to know someone online. You need to be with the person to truly know them. It takes a lot of time & effort to cultivate a true friendship, but it’s worth the effort. The next point will show us why. 
One of the painful lessons that I’ve learned this summer in our study of the Proverbs is that life is a long process of getting rebuked. When you were a child, your parents lovingly rebuked you (if you had good parents). But just because you grew up and went off to college doesn’t mean that you should stop being rebuked and challenged. We continue to make stupid decisions well into adulthood. This is why we need good friends to continue to “parent” us. I will never outgrow my need for instruction. If I need to hear hard stuff, I’d like to hear it from someone that loves me and knows me. 
I want to surround myself with people who will push me to something greater. My wife said some painful words to me in October of 2015. What an incredible gift! She got my attention, and her words stung, but I am indebted to her. Her friendly wounds changed my life. Matt Parker painfully confronted my bitter heart in the summer of 2006. His words stung, and I was even angry for a few days, but he said what I needed to hear. He woke me up to the destructive power of sin. My friends push me. And it always hurts, but it’s what I need. None of us like to be pushed, but when you’re stuck in the mud, you need a good push. And it’s only a good friend that will get in the mud with you & push you out. Do you have friends that will push you out of the mud? Have you given them permission to lovingly rebuke you or are you immune to criticism? Are your friends scared of you?
To understand why, we need to consider Genesis 3. I am often led to this chapter during my sermon preparation because it explains why our world is such a mess. But I have never been so viscerally angry as I was this week. A few minutes ago I told you that God created Adam with a deep ache for companionship. He solved Adam’s loneliness by creating Eve. Adam & Eve enjoyed the ideal friendship. They walked with God in the cool of the day. They walked with each other. They had no secrets. They didn’t even wear clothes! But Satan slithered into the garden and whispereda few lies about God’s friendly heart. God isn’t your friend. He doesn’t really love you. They believed his lies and everything broke. 
Drew Hunter, in his excellent book, Made For Friendship, draws out 3 implications of that first whisper. First, the whisper separatedAdam & Eve. The intimacy they enjoyed instantly vanished. They covered themselves with fig leaves & found a place to hide. We’ve been hiding ever since. Second, the whisper cooled their affection. They began blaming one another. Finally, the whisper endedtheir friendship. Adam & Eve eventually died. This is the ultimate destruction of a friendship. You get close to someone and they leave. 
[12] “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. [13] Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. [14] You are my friendsif you do what I command you. [15] No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you. [16] You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you. [17] These things I command you, so that you will love one another. 
What a friend we have in Jesus All our sins and griefs to bearAnd what a privilege to carry Everything to God in prayer
Oh, what peace we often forfeit Oh, what needless pain we bearAll because we do not carry Everything to God in prayer