Pastor John LaShell | May 14, 2023
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Ephesians: A Gospel for Mothers (and Everyone Else)
This is Mother’s Day, a day to remember and honor our mothers. For some women this is a wonderful day, a day to be surrounded and petted by family. For other women it is a painful day. This morning I’m not going to speak just to mothers or about mothers. My message is for all of you, even for those not married or living in a family. In order for us to be a good husbands or wives or single adults, we all need the same thing. We need the gospel. In a few moments we will read a passage from Ephesians that is often called a family code. When I have preached through Ephesians in the past, I have often given a message on husbands and wives followed by one on parents and children, and then finished off with a message on bosses and workers. That’s fine, but it misses an important point. For a family to function well, its members need the lessons in the earlier part of the book. In other words, single people, moms and dads, grandparents, aunts and uncles all need the gospel truths and principles in the first part of the book. When Paul tells fathers to bring up their children in the “discipline and instruction of the Lord,” the implication is that the fathers must know the gospel in order to teach it. So this morning, I want to put the family code in the context of the whole book of Ephesians. This message is for everybody, but since it is Mother’s Day, I will encourage you to apply the text to your children as well as to yourselves. Let’s start by reading the family code together.
… and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ. 22 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. 24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. 28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; 29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, 30 because we are members of His body. 31 FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND SHALL BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH. 32 This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER (which is the first commandment with a promise), 3 SO THAT IT MAY BE WELL WITH YOU, AND THAT YOU MAY LIVE LONG ON THE EARTH. 4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. 5 Slaves, be obedient to those who are your masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in the sincerity of your heart, as to Christ; 6 not by way of eyeservice, as men-pleasers, but as slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart. 7 With good will render service, as to the Lord, and not to men, 8 knowing that whatever good thing each one does, this he will receive back from the Lord, whether slave or free. 9 And masters, do the same things to them, and give up threatening, knowing that both their Master and yours is in heaven, and there is no partiality with Him (Ephesians 5:21-6:9).
This passage is often described as a household code. In Bible times, slaves were included in the household. Slaves were not necessarily from a different race. They might have been captured in war or sold to pay debts. Greek and Roman writers discussed how households, including slaves, should be organized. The philosopher Aristotle, who lived 300 years before Christ, said that men are by nature more fit to rule than women and that a slave is a living tool, and a tool is a lifeless slave. Slaves have no right or ability to make decisions.
Early Roman law was even more shocking. It gave the father of the family—the pater familias—absolute authority over life and death for his wife, his children, and his slaves. He could legally kill them for any reason. The authority of the pater familias was greatly weakened by New Testament times, but “A first-century jurist recounts the story of a man in the early days of the Republic beating his wife to death because she had drunk some wine. His neighbors approved.”
(http://www.womenintheancientworld.com/patriapotestas.htm)
The household code here in Ephesians and shorter ones in the rest of the New Testament were revolutionary and counter-cultural in the first century. For different reasons, they are still counter-cultural in the 21st century. The New Testament raises the dignity of women and slaves above first-century norms, but now many people falsely conclude that Paul demeaned women and that he approved of slavery. It is ironic that a passage elevating women and slaves is now seen as approving their entire subjugation. Well, that’s historical blindness for you. There is a God-given order for the family, but the gospel places men, women, and slaves on exactly the same spiritual level. The ancient world never did this.
How can we live well as singles or in families? What do we need to teach our children in the home or in church? We need the gospel. Ephesians helps us apply the gospel to ourselves and in our families.
Ephesians: A Gospel for All of Us
I. Ephesians 1-3 The Gospel Explained
A. In the triune work of salvation (1)
B. In the individual experience of salvation (2:1-10)
C. In the multi-ethnic breadth of salvation (2:11-3:21)
II. Ephesians 4-6 The Gospel Applied
A. To life in the church (4:1-32)
B. To life in the world (5:1-18)
C. To life in in the family (5:18-6:9)
D. To life in spiritual conflict 6:10-24
(To note-takers: You can get the outline as I move through the message.)
I. Ephesians 1-3 The Gospel Explained
A. In the triune work of salvation (Eph. 1).
In Ephesians 1 we learn that salvation is not something we achieve. It is a divine work involving the whole Trinity. Paul says to us who believe in Jesus—
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ,just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we would be holy and blameless before Him (Eph. 1:3-4).
In Christ, “We have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace” (Eph. 1:7).
We were “sealed in Him with the Holy Spirit of promise” (Eph. 13).
Why is this important for you? Why is it important for you to pass on to children? Whoever you are, this chapter reorients your whole way of looking at life.
First, to the materialist, it says that the world is not just eternal, meaningless matter in motion. We are not just animals at the top of the food chain. There is a God who made everything. Our educational system forbids teachers to pass on this vital truth. One of our college international students from England was shocked when our education majors said they couldn’t speak about God or the Bible in school.
Second, to the deist, it says that God is not distant and uninvolved. He did not create the world and then go off on vacation. He is actively engaged in our world and in our lives. God “works all things after the counsel of His will” (v. 11).
Third, to the fearful, it says that He is the God who saves. His passion is to exercise His gracious goodness. This truth is fundamental to healthy living. I have talked to enough of you to suspect that many of you grew up with an angry God, a harsh God, a vindictive God, a punitive God, a God who condemns. A smiting God. He loves to smite the wicked, and if you mess up, He will smite you. Yes, there is a hell. Yes, God does visit His wrath on rebels, but the thing you and your children need first of all is to see Him as the God who saves. Oh you parents, oh you teachers of young people, I urge you to lead your children gently by the hand to think of God as a gracious, kind God who is earnestly calling them to experience His good salvation.
Salvation is not something we achieve by working hard. It is a sovereign work of the whole Trinity. It is the work of a God who saves. There is no other god like Him.
1. The Gospel Explained –
A. In the triune work of salvation
B. In the individual experience of Salvation (Eph. 2:1-10)
If we are to train up our children in the Lord, we must know why we and why they need to be saved.
And you were dead in your trespasses and sins, 2 in which you formerly walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, of the spirit that is now working in the sons of disobedience. 3 Among them we too all formerly lived in the lusts of our flesh, indulging the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, even as the rest (Eph. 2:1-3).
We were dead in sin, dominated by the devil, depraved in our desires, and doomed under the wrath of God. Each of these phrases could use a sermon, but I’ll give just a short note on wrath. God is not a victim of multiple personality disorder (dissociative identity disorder). He does not alternate unpredictably between generous love and irrational anger. God is fundamentally love, but what does He love? Does He love angleworms in the same way He loves angels? The Bible says that God loves righteousness, and He loves His Son, Jesus. His wrath is simply His determined rejection of those who refuse to repent of unrighteousness and who refuse Jesus as their King and Savior. If you set yourself against all that God is and loves, you will experience His wrath.
It is necessary that we know these things. Many in our generation teach that children are born innocent. They only become bad because of a bad environment or lack of education. Certainly, parental example and other environmental factors play a part in our development, but children do not need to be taught to throw temper tantrums when they don’t get their own way.
So don’t teach your children that God likes them just the way they are. Tell them that all of us are born broken, but God sent His Son to fix us. We were born under the power of the devil, but God sent His Son to rescue us. We were born bad, but God sent His Son to make us good. We were born without God, but God sent His Son to bring us into His family. We have done things that God hates, but God, being rich in mercy, forgives us for Christ’s sake when we trust in Him.
So teaching your children about the wrath of God. They need to know that, but they don’t have to live trembling and terrified of God’s anger. Hasten to tell them about the mercy, generosity, and love of God. God’s plan is
that in the ages to come He might show the surpassing riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast (Eph. 2:7-9).
Lead them to see that God is good and trustworthy. We are saved by faith in Christ. Faith means trust, and none of us really trusts in someone who always appears angry and vindictive.
1. The Gospel Explained –
A. In the triune work of salvation
B. In the individual experience of salvation
C. In the multi-ethnic breadth of salvation (2:11-3:21)
In this section, the apostle moves from our individual salvation to a theme that is very dear to the heart of God: There is one church for all races, nations, tongues, and peoples. Major themes are these: Jesus broke down the barrier between Jews and Gentiles. Through pastors, evangelists, and missionaries Jesus Himself preaches the gospel to those who are near and those who are afar off. Therefore, all peoples have access in the Holy Spirit to the Father. The people of God—that is, the church—is the temple of the living God. The church is so amazing that the angels marvel at the manifold wisdom of God displayed in the church. The apostle closes this section of the letter with a doxology.
Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us,to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen (Eph. 3:20-21).
In the next section of the epistle Paul goes on to tell us how to live in the church, but let’s stop a moment to think about the place that the church has in your life and in your instruction of children. Two important points.
Welcome the stranger. Don’t fear and resent the stranger.
God wants us to be open to strangers. For the most part our church has been very good about welcoming immigrants. There is, however, a natural fear of people who are different. Some worry that a flood of immigrants will take their jobs or change our American way of life. I understand those fears, but Jesus is building a multi-ethnic church, so we must set aside our natural fears to welcome the stranger. I was in a meeting some time ago when the topic was caring for immigrants. I spoke up and said that we had hosted 5 legal refugee families in our home while their sponsoring agency was looking for housing for them. A couple of people spoke up loudly, “I wouldn’t have those people in my house. You just don’t know what they might be like. And if you have children, you for sure wouldn’t want strangers there.” That kind of fear is natural, but God wants us to live supernaturally. Teach your children to take risks for Christ. Teach them to reach out to people who are different. Teach them to love the stranger into the church. That is what God is doing in the world.
Then, I urge you to make the church the center of your life. The church is not our club. It does not just exist for our benefit. The church exists to display the glory of God’s grace and goodness toward His people. Therefore, when you come to church or when you serve God as part of the body of Christ, you are bringing glory to Him even if you don’t feel as if you got any special blessing by coming or serving. You showed up. You declared your allegiance to Jesus Christ because the church is His church.
I know that some of you have had terrible experiences at church. Pastors and other Christians often hurt tender souls. Church attendance has been a stick that some pastors use to beat their people. They say, “If you come to church, you are a good Christian. If you miss a Sunday, you are a bad Christian.” I don’t want to lay that guilt trip on you. What I want is for your church-hurts to be healed. Church attendance is not just a duty. It is not just for your spiritual encouragement. Above all, it is an act of love. It is a response to Christ’s love for the church, not just for you as an individual.
New Testament teaches that the church is the practical center of life for believers. As we saw in the family code, the relation of a man to his wife is like the relation of Christ to His church. Jesus Christ is intimately, lovingly related to His church. Jesus longs for the fellowship of His church. When we center our lives around work or sports or family or travel, we are not acting like part of the bride of Christ. He doesn’t just want us in our personal quiet times. He wants to meet us in the gathered fellowship of believers.
Now, remember that in the family code fathers are to bring up their children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Doesn’t that mean we should teach them to love the church as Jesus loves the church? Can we do that if we are only at church one Sunday a month? You say, “Next week there’s an away game for Little League. The week after that there’s a birthday party for Aunt Matilda’s dog, Fifi. The following week we’ve rented a party boat on Lake Watauga. I think we can come to church on June 18th—but no! That’s Father’s Day and we’ve planned a big barbecue. But we are regular attenders at Alliance Bible Fellowship.” Your children will not grow up thinking that the house of God is the center of their lives, and when they are teens, you will wonder why they resent going to church.
Jesus wants you to learn to love your church and to pass that love on to your children. That is one way you honor and glorify God.
In order to be a godly parent, grandparent, or child, you need what all of us need—the gospel. That is what Ephesians gives us.
We have looked briefly at—
I. Ephesians 1-3 The Gospel Explained
A. In the triune work of salvation (1)
B. In the individual experience of salvation (2:1-10)
C. In the multi-ethnic breadth of salvation (2:11-3:21)
Now let’s turn our attention to –
II. Ephesians 4-6 The Gospel Applied
And see how these chapters relate to the family code in Ephesians 5 and 6. Remember that chapter 3 ended with God being glorified in the church. How do we glorify Him as a body of believers? Chapter 4 tells us how.
A. To life in the church (4:1-32)
The theme of this section comes in the first few verses.
Therefore I, the prisoner of the Lord, implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love, being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace (Eph. 4:1-3).
Why does he have to call us to humility, gentleness, patience, and tolerance? Because we are naturally, proud, selfish, impatient, and intolerant. We get irritated and snappish when things don’t go our way. We tend to think well of ourselves and poorly of others. We need this exhortation because we often hurt each other. Scripture tells us to preserve the unity of the Spirit. The Holy Spirit creates a spiritual unity among all those He indwells. When you receive Christ as Savior, He gives you the Holy Spirit. Since we all have the same Spirit living in us, we are one in Christ. So preserve that unity!
This section on life in the church ends the way it begins.
Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32 Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you (Eph. 4:30-32).
This is how God wants us to live, not only in the church, but also in our families. In our unison Scripture reading, we saw that husbands and wives are one flesh, so husbands are to treat their wives tenderly just as they take care of their own bodies. Fathers are not to provoke their children to anger by their own selfish, inconsistent, angry behavior. Masters are to give up threatening their slaves—and by extension, God commands parents not to govern their children by shouting and threats. In a first-century home, the father of the family had the same kind of authority over his children as he did over his slaves. With only a few legal protections, he could treat them pretty much as he pleased. So when Scripture tells masters not to threaten slaves, that command applies to the way husbands treat their wives and parents treat their children. Ephesians 6:9 says that masters are to do the same things for their slaves as their slaves do for them. Slaves care for their masters. Masters are to watch over and care for their slaves. Just as love, kindness, and a calm forgiving manner are God’s prescription for the church, so also that is what He commands for families. Now parents sometimes say, “Hey! I was raised in a shouting, threatening family, and I turned out OK. That’s just my personality. It doesn’t mean anything.” Well, yes it does mean something. It means you are making excuses for your sin and not allowing the Holy Spirit to change you. You answer, “Well, if I don’t scream at my kids, they don’t listen to me.” Of course not. You have trained them not to listen unless you scream.
If God’s nature marked by love, patience, and forgiveness toward His children—and it is—then our lives in the church and in the home ought to be marked by the same characteristics. Do you see how the whole letter bears down on the family section? As love, gentleness, and forgiveness mark God’s relation toward us, and our relations with brothers and sisters in the family of God, so these same traits ought to mark our families as well.
2. The Gospel Applied –
A. To life in the church
B. To life in the world (5:1-18)
Verses 1 and 8 aptly summarize this section.
Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children… for you were formerly darkness, but now you are Light in the Lord; walk as children of Light (Eph. 5:1, 8).
The world is a spiritually dark place. Sin is praised as righteousness. Those who stand up for holiness and truth are mocked as bigots. How can we say sex outside of marriage between a man and a woman is not pleasing to God when the world around us says if it makes us happy, it is right? The world says, “You have an obligation to be true to yourself and do what makes you happy.” God says, “You have an obligation to be true to me. I know what will make you both happy and holy at the same time.”
How can we keep our little light shining when the world around us is trying to blow it out? Verses 15-18 tell us how to do this.
Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise,making the most of your time, because the days are evil. So then do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. And do not get drunk with wine, for that is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit (Eph. 5:15-18).
The Holy Spirit is the only one who can keep you pure in a dark and unholy world. If this is how God wants you to walk, this is how He wants you to train your children. Teach them the ways of wisdom from the book of Proverbs. Encourage them to surrender daily, and oftener, to the Holy Spirit. Talk to them about listening for the Spirit’s voice coming through the Bible, not through their feelings. Learn to walk in the Spirit by submitting your desires, thoughts, plans, and hopes to the word of God. Then consciously pass those lessons on to the children in your home, in your extended family, and in the class you teach at Little Alliance.
We have been looking through the book of Ephesians to see how each section relates not only to our own lives, but also to life in our families. Chapters 1-3 explain the gospel, and we saw that each section was pertinent to our own lives and also to our children. Chapters 4-6 apply the gospel more directly to life in the church, life in the world, and now we come to
C. Life in the family (5:18-6:9)
I have been speaking about the family throughout this message, so I am only going to make a couple of connections. Verse 18 is a hinge verse. First, we must be filled with the Holy Spirit in order to maintain a holy walk in a dark world. Second, the filling of the Spirit is tied to what follows.
And do not get drunk with wine, for that is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord; always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God, even the Father; and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ (Eph. 5:18-21).
The Holy Spirit not only produces a holy walk when we submit to Him. He also produces heart-felt worship and fellowship among believers. Now notice the last phrase, “and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.” This phrase is grammatically in the same form as the other participles in verses 19-20—“being subject to one another” or “submitting to one another.” All members of the church are to submit to each other, serve each other, watch out for each other’s best interest. BUT, the apostle goes on to apply mutual submission to the family.
Wives submit to their husbands by following their godly leadership
Husbands submit to their wives by putting their wives’ needs and welfare ahead of their individual desires.
Children, of course, are to submit to the direction of their parents, but parents are to put aside their comfort and independence to raise their children to understand and live the truths we have been looking at in Ephesians. Your job is not to batter the little monsters into terrified obedience, but to love them into the imitation of Christ.
We don’t have slaves now, thank the Lord, but workers are to serve their bosses cheerfully from the heart as serving the Lord, and leaders are to nurture and care for the people on their teams.
When Christians mutually submit to each other in these ways, they glorify God who loved and cares for them. They exhibit the power of the Holy Spirit who lives in them, and they imitate the Savior who died for them.
Finally, in our survey of Ephesians as it relates to your family, see how the end of the letter matches up to the beginning. Chapter 1 ends with God subduing all powers to Christ. Chapter 2, verse 2 says we “formerly walked… according to the prince of the power of the air, of the spirit that is now working in the sons of disobedience.”
The book ends with—
II. The Gospel Applied
D. To life in spiritual conflict (6:10-24)
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil.For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places (Eph. 6:10-12).
What is this armor of God? It is the gospel. It is faith in the truth of God’s word. It is security in the righteousness of Christ. It is the gospel of peace. It is confidence in the saving work of God. Evil in the world is not just the dark side of the force. There is a real, personal devil who incites evil men to greater and greater acts of evil. You do not have to give in to his temptation. You do not have to fear him. That is what you must teach the children in your family or in your class at Little Alliance. You have victory in Jesus through the gospel and the indwelling Spirit.
Moms and dads, grandparents, and all teachers of children—those little ones under your care need exactly what you need.
They and you need to know the triune God who saves.
They and you need to trust in Jesus alone for salvation.
They and you need the church at the center of your life—not just for your benefit, but for the glory of God.
They and you need to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of love and to be filled with the Spirit so that you do not grieve Him.
They and you need to learn the lessons of mutual submission in the church and in the family.
They and you need to arm yourselves with the gospel in order to stand firm against the schemes of the devil.
Even so, our God and Father, may it be. Amen and amen!